Rain in the Desert

The desert doesn’t react all that well to water.  Oh, sure, it needs water.  But when the liquidy stuff descends from on high and assaults the ground, the hard soil puts up it defenses.  It becomes a wall that repels the water.   So it doesn’t seep into the earth, it puddles in the roads.  Well, more than puddles.  It creates lakes.

Now, in this little town of mine the roads are bad enough without the addition of gallons and gallons of water.  Add that and driving here is more fearsome than usual.  A number of streets become virtually impassable because of running water.  So, I had to go way out of my way just to pick up the kids today.  It’s infuriating.

Unfortunately, the roads don’t just flood with water when it rains; they’re also flooded by morons.  Desert people, in general, don’t seem to know how to drive in … weather.  There’s your jerks in the big trucks who just motor on down the road like the water isn’t there, sending it spewing onto the vehicles all around them.  Then there’s the people who are frightened to death at the very sight of water on the road.  They’ve got to stop the minute they see the stuff.  Dead stop.  In the road.  Oh, there are other people on the road, you say?  Who cares, man, there’s, like, water here!!  AAAHHH!!  Water!

Morons. 

Anti-Writing

This blog didn’t use the word ‘moron’ though it should have.  It’s pretty funny, though.  Now I must go question my need to write … or not.  Like it matters.

Someone else said the word!

It has been put to work yet again.  Here’s another blog that used the word moron in a visual manner.   What?  Just go check it out here.

My Own Personal Comedy Favorites, Episode III

The Top 40 list continues, yet again.  I’m revealing what I feel are the coolest comedies ever.  So far, we’ve 20 of the 40.  Maybe you agree, maybe you don’t, with my choices.  All I can say is that these movies are great for a WarpFest.  This movie festival has been described elsewhere.  For now, let’s move on to numbers 11-20.

20.  The Return of the Pink Panther

Peter Sellers created the greatest comedic character of all time with Inspector Clouseau, and this second Panther movie is the best of the bunch.  I just love the absurdity of the Inspector.  He knows he’s a fool; he knows that many of the situations he gets involved in are beyond his control; yet, he never lets on for a minute that he knows.  He just presses forward, without a clue.   “Good Sharkey, Colonel God,” he says, in perfect control as if all that had transpired was at his bidding.

19.  Three Amigo’s

Steve Martin, Chevy Chase and Martin Short together.   This movie couldn’t help but be funny.  The dialogue is sarcastic, the dances are stupid and Chevy gets to shoot an invisible man.  How cool is that?  Pure fun hilarity.

18.  Blazing Saddles

Mel Brooks works more magic.  Gene Wilder is delightful as a run down gunslinger.  But, of course, it’s Cleavon Little who is the star.   Who can forget when he attacks himself and holds himself at gunpoint?  Great stuff.  Racism, slavery, alcoholic’s, perverts … everything you need for a spectacular western!

17.  The Naked Gun

Leslie Nielsen is spectacular in this.  It’s almost like a second coming of Inspector Clouseau.  Wordplay was fantastic, good spoofs throughout.  Nielsen’s ingenuous idiocy sells it, though. 

16.  Austin Powers:  International Man of Mystery

Mike Myers is a funny guy.  This movie was a great parody of spy films.  It was just unique in its day.  Maybe it was the silly nose and goofy teeth that Myer’s had (I assume they were fabricated …).   Maybe it was the farcical dancing sequence.  Most likely what made it cool was the sharks with the laser thingy’s attached to them.  Yeah, baby! 

15.  The Princess Bride

Pirates, huge rats, six fingered maniacs, stupid princes and a hero named Wesley and his love, a princess named … Buttercup.  So silly it’s classic.  And brilliant in its own fashion.  The book was pretty good, too.  The sword fight was outstanding.

 14.  Talladega Nights

Another Will Ferrel classic.  This movie pokes lots of fun at the racing industry, or sport, or whatever it’s called.  It’s got some great lines and great scenes.  For example, some good scenes:  Ricky Bobby gets his arm broken, he runs around on the track in his underwear invoking Oprah convinced he’s on fire, there’s the whole dinner scene with grandpa, the cougar in the car and the absolute classic:  Ricky shoves a knife into his thigh because he’s certain he can no longer feel his legs – he finds out he’s wrong. 

13.  Hot Shots

Charlie Sheen shines as some hot shot pilot with psychological problems.  This is a classic satire of Top Gun and other stuff.  Lloyd Bridges is stupendous as the idiot Admiral.  I loved his soliloquy about his hat that fell overboard.   Sheen isn’t quite Leslie Nielsen, but he’s great at this kind of comedy.

12.  Napoleon Dynamite

It’s got a llama.  And tater tots.  And a gangly nerd.  The opening credits are unique.  This movie is just so odd and hard to describe.  A person has to watch it to completely grok its humor.  It’s very understated and offbeat and by the time it’s over, you’ll be ‘voting for Pedro.’  Or not.  Whatever.

11.  A Fish Called Wanda

I know many will be upset that this movie did not enter my Top Ten, but that’s your problem not mine.  I love this movie, regardless.  John Cleese is one of the funniest people ever.  His performance in this movie is utterly superb.  But, Kevin Kline’s character, Otto, is without a doubt the show stealer.  There has never been another movie like this.  It’s comedy, crime, romance … a stupendous amalgam of stuff. 

So, then, the next post about WarpFest movies will contain my Top Ten most favoritest and funniest movies ever.