The Expert Jerk: Why Do the Brits Drive on the Left Side of the Road?

Do I sound British?  Why in the name of the crack you smoke would you ask me that, as I’ve lived in the United States all my life?  I mean, I haven’t even traveled outside the country.

Fine, whatever, I’ll do my best to answer your bizarre question.

First of all, it’s not just the Brits who drive as lefties, you anti-blimey loser.  There are other countries but I won’t bother to list them here.  Why?  Because I don’t have to, shutup.

Now, then, it appears that this preference for driving on the left side of the road was engendered by violence.  At least, this is my favorite theory based on what I read.

See, in ancient times everyone apparently wandered about armed with a sword.  Most people are right handed.  (Yes, you lefty people are awkward dopes who shouldn’t pay any attention to this part).  So, they like traveling on the left side of the road so that their right hand was able to grab their sword and defend themselves against the evil types walking up the road toward them. 

It’s all about paranoia and violence.  The Brits went ahead and stuck with the tradition of driving on the left because they are smarty pants and like to mock the rest of the world.  For that, of course, I applaud them. 

Rain in the Desert

The desert doesn’t react all that well to water.  Oh, sure, it needs water.  But when the liquidy stuff descends from on high and assaults the ground, the hard soil puts up it defenses.  It becomes a wall that repels the water.   So it doesn’t seep into the earth, it puddles in the roads.  Well, more than puddles.  It creates lakes.

Now, in this little town of mine the roads are bad enough without the addition of gallons and gallons of water.  Add that and driving here is more fearsome than usual.  A number of streets become virtually impassable because of running water.  So, I had to go way out of my way just to pick up the kids today.  It’s infuriating.

Unfortunately, the roads don’t just flood with water when it rains; they’re also flooded by morons.  Desert people, in general, don’t seem to know how to drive in … weather.  There’s your jerks in the big trucks who just motor on down the road like the water isn’t there, sending it spewing onto the vehicles all around them.  Then there’s the people who are frightened to death at the very sight of water on the road.  They’ve got to stop the minute they see the stuff.  Dead stop.  In the road.  Oh, there are other people on the road, you say?  Who cares, man, there’s, like, water here!!  AAAHHH!!  Water!

Morons.