The Movie Phrase Book: The Ultimate Phrase/Word/Whatever

Herein lies one of the most important phrases a person can insert into his or her vocabulary and everyday speech.  It is a word, a phrase, a stance.  It’s unbelievably versatile.  It is both defensive and offensive.  It was uttered by a king (sorta).  Here it is:

“So?”

Movie Quotes

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Movie Quotes You Need to Know

My Own Personal Comedy Favorites, Episode IV

At long last, I will post the final entry to my Top 40 Comedy Favorites series.  No, it’s not about radio; it’s about movies.  These are 40 of what I feel are the funniest movies.  I watch them at a regularly held film festival, WarpFest.  Now will follow the Top Ten, the best of the best, creme de la creme, etc., etc., yeah whatever.  Okay, get on with it, right?  Right.  The other entries in this series (so that you can catch up):  Episode 1, Episode 2, Episode 3.  Now, on with the Ten …

10.  Young Frankenstein

This is commonly held to be Mel Brooks’ masterpiece.  Well, so be it.  Filmed in black and white, it is an homage to and parody of classic monstrous movies – I mean, monster movies.  It was perfect.  Mispronouncing Frankenstein, seeking Abby Normal, the Monster singing “Puttin’ On the Ritz,” the violin music, the blind guy, the bride, the one military type with the funny arm … all of it was just genius.  Igor stole the show.

9.  Happy Gilmore

Adam Sandler at his best.  I loved the rhyming taunts in the bar.  His enraged attacks on the golf ball were classic as well.  This was a movie of great contrasts.  An angry hockey wanna-be named Happy gets drafted into a languid sport.  This movie is the sole reason I’d actually like to play golf now.  Only, I want to play Gilmore Golf. 

8.  Spaceballs

Mel Brooks makes his third appearance on the Top 40 list.  This parody of Star Wars is truly twisted.  It’s also slightly prophetic, I think.  What, you ask?  Brooks a prophet??  Well, on planet Spaceball air is scarce and they have cans of it in their desks.  We can and bottle and sell everything else on our planet, I’m sure air’s next.  Be that as it may, it was Rick Moranis’ portrayal of Dark Helmet that made this movie.  “Ludicrous speed now!”

7.  Zoolander

Yes, it was the beauty of “Magnum” or whatever that made me choose this movie.  Plus, he finally turned left.  Mugatu was pretty funny, too.   Besides, I agree totally with Zoolander’s educational ethic:  you can’t force children into a school the size of a desktop model!  They’d have no room for their notebooks.  And one last admission:  I can never listen to “Working for the Weekend” again without thinking of coal mines.  Thanks, Ben Stiller.

6.  Johnny English

Rowan Atkinson should have played Inspector Clouseau in the newest Pink Panther movie, not Steve Martin.  He does a superb job at creating a bumbling, self-infatuated and clueless secret agent.  His assault on the hospital was absolutely hilarious. 

5.  Kung-Pow:  Enter the Fist

Steve Oedekerk made a brilliant bit of comedy with this movie.  Well, brilliant in its own way.  He took an old kung fu movie and inserted himself in it, sometimes via CGI, sometimes via building identical sets and staging the same kind of scenes.  Then, he recorded some of the most brilliant dialogue and weird sounds and pasted it all willy-nilly onto the film.  As a result, we get silly kung fu fighters saying things like, “I’m a man, too.  I go pee-pee standing up.”

4.  The Wrong Guy

Dave Foley stars and does a great job as a complete nincompoop.  He’s Nelson Hibbert, an idiot who finds his boss killed, thinks he’s gonna get tagged for it and goes on the run.  This movie is a great sendup of “guy-on-the-lam” type movies.  Hibbert meets the luscious Lynn (Jennifer Tilly), who has epileptic problems.  One of my favorite scenes is when she’s trying to care for a scrape he got on his forehead and she ends up spraying some antiseptic into his eyes.  She starts crying because she’s so inept and Hibbert says, comfortingly, “It’s not you … it’s these … damn eyes.”  It is a beautifully absurd movie.

3.  Strange Brew

The ultimate beer movie.  There is not room here to write about how cool this flick is nor how much inspiration it has given to other twisted beer drinkers and film makers.  Suffice to say, it’s the reason I say “eh” at the end of most of my sentences and the reason my son and I call each “hosers” a lot.  It’s a great movie for dialogue when you need something innocuous to say.  “It’s a jelly.”  Or, “Take off, eh!”  Or, “I can’t believe my brother’s a murderer.”  Or, “Beauty, clerk.”  The movie is total classic, through and through.  The MacKenzie brothers rock.  Here’s to the Great White North!

2.  Anchorman:  The Legend of Ron Burgundy

I knew it would be great from the moment it started.  Ron calls out:  “Hey everybody, come and see how good I look!”  This movie is so vapid it’s genius.  Will Ferrell is stupendous and creates a wonderfully daffy character.  Plus, this movie too is full of ubiquitous one liners.  My favorite:  “60% of the time, it works every time.”   Of course, there’s also lines like:  “I can’t believe you woke the bears.”  And, “That escalated quickly.”  Or, “That’s quite pungent.  Burns the nostrils.”  Beautiful film that I can’t get enough of. 

AND NOW, THE #1 GREATEST COMEDY MOVIE EVER:

1.  MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL

There is nothing more sublime than Python.  There is nothing funnier or smarter.  They are the greatest.  This movie is absolute comedic perfection.  It’s absurd genius.  “‘Tis but a scratch,” said the Black Knight.  That’s what only one viewing does, only scratches the surface of this gem.  One must watch it again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and then you will begin to understand.  Sure, it’s not full of “huge tracts of land” but “there is some lovely filth” here and there.  (A joke, it’s a joke, you perverts).  There are dramatic idioms played out, musical numbers, French attacks, and spiritual revelations.  All in all, a brilliantly good idea for a film.  Of course, God agrees.  He said, “Of course it’s a good idea!”

So there you have it.  Forty hilarious movies.  Pick a few and have a comedy film festival of your own!

The Great Lines of Dialogue – Movie Quotes You Must Know

Great dialogue transcends film, generations and situations.  In other words, lines from great movies can be used anytime, anywhere, for anything.  If you know these lines, you’re prepared for whatever comes your way.  Here’s a few darts from my personal movie line quiver.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Greatest movie ever, and it has the absolute greatest dialogue ever written.

For example, let’s say you’re a kid at school.  We all know that at school, kids pick on each other.   How do you cope with it?  Python has the answer.  Remember when Arthur approaches the first castle?

Guard 1:  “What, ridden on a horse?”

Arthur:  “Yes!”

Guard 1:  “You’re using coconuts.”

Arthur:  “What?”

Guard 1:  “You’ve got two empty halves of a coconut and you’re banging them together.”

Arthur:  “So?”

See, it’s that last bit that I tell my kids to use.  People harass  you, make fun of you, whatever, you just use the King Arthur Gambit.  “So?”

It works, I swear!

Bully: “Hey, you suck.  You’re like, an idiot.”

Regular Kid:  “So?”

Bully:  [stands there with dumb look on face, drooling like a retard]

or

Guy at Work:  “You’ll never get that promotion.  You suck.”

Regular Guy:  “So?”

Guy at Work:  [starts crying because he realizes he's a chump who cares too much about his ********* job!]

More examples:  (use them as you choose)

When you’re boss orders you around you can echo the words of Dennis:  “Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses!”  (If you really want to mess around with the boss’s head you could start off with, “Listen, strange women lying in pond’s distributing swords is no basis for a system of government.”)

Then, the boss will be all, “Shutup and do what I say.”  You respond, “Oh, now we see the violence inherent in the system.  Help, help, I’m being repressed!”

The Black Knight scene is replete with usable bits.

Whenever you fall and hurt yourself, your first words should be:  “I’ve had worse.”  Or maybe, “Just a flesh wound.”

When someone bests you at any kind of contest, utter the profundity of: “I’m invincible!”

When people tell you they need something, you say, “Then you shall die.”

The French Knights provide classic put-downs.

“Go away or I shall taunt you a second time.”

“I fart in your general direction.”

“You second-hand electric donkey bottom biters!”

When all else fails, when you are backed into a corner, caught with your pants down, whenever it is that you must turn the tables on your opponents, always remember the Ultimate Question (to which the answer may or may not be forty-two):  “What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?”

The Keeper of the Bridge of Death shalt be proud.