The Expert Jerk: Why Do the Brits Drive on the Left Side of the Road?

Do I sound British?  Why in the name of the crack you smoke would you ask me that, as I’ve lived in the United States all my life?  I mean, I haven’t even traveled outside the country.

Fine, whatever, I’ll do my best to answer your bizarre question.

First of all, it’s not just the Brits who drive as lefties, you anti-blimey loser.  There are other countries but I won’t bother to list them here.  Why?  Because I don’t have to, shutup.

Now, then, it appears that this preference for driving on the left side of the road was engendered by violence.  At least, this is my favorite theory based on what I read.

See, in ancient times everyone apparently wandered about armed with a sword.  Most people are right handed.  (Yes, you lefty people are awkward dopes who shouldn’t pay any attention to this part).  So, they like traveling on the left side of the road so that their right hand was able to grab their sword and defend themselves against the evil types walking up the road toward them. 

It’s all about paranoia and violence.  The Brits went ahead and stuck with the tradition of driving on the left because they are smarty pants and like to mock the rest of the world.  For that, of course, I applaud them. 

The Nation

Yes, I am a member of the Nation – so to speak.  The Hair Nation, that is.  It’s my favorite Sirius station.  I listened to that music constantly as a teenager.

Def Leppard, Motley Crue, Ratt, Vixen, Skid Row, Poison, Shotgun Messiah, Vinnie Vincent Invasion, Slaughter, Tyketto … I can’t even remember all of them.  I listened, I liked … and I still do.

It was fun music.  Now it’s nostalgic, for me, at least, for my generation.  My son likes some of it.  He’s 12.  Sometimes when I put it on he just kind of looks at me and rolls his eyes.  “That stuff’s boring,” sometimes comes out of his mouth.  I laugh and feel like a dad.

I had the unfortunate privilege of hearing a Warrant song the other day.  Now, Warrant was a crap band.  Totally lame and gay and stupid, etc.  The only song that came close to being worth listening to was “Cherry Pie” because it’s just so childish and inane.   It was a marketing ploy and worked.  You only listen to it when nothing else good is on.  It’s like beer:  don’t be a doofus and drink a Miller when there’s a joyously wonderful craft beer in the house, like Stone’s Levitation or Russian River’s Temptation, or a Guinness or New Belgium’s Mothership Wit - you get the idea.  If there’s nothing else in the house and you’ve gotta have something to drink because your friends are complete twits, then drink the Miller.

So, there was nothing else on anywhere and I was stuck listening to this song.  It was the live version.  I honestly didn’t think Warrant could sound any worse than they normally sounded.  Holy crap, I wanted to scour my ears out with bleach.  That was awful.  Disgusting.  Utterly stupid. 

My point?  Warrant sucks.  I’m going to have to go home and put in the greatest of the 80s glammish, hairish metalish CD’s:  Hysteria by Def Leppard.  I’ll turn the stereo up to 11.

I will.  You’ll see.